let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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