So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize