Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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