why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
