Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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