you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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