Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
