I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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