Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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