Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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