this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
