Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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