belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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