I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
