college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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