Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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