My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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