Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
