I'm gonna have a badass scar
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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