Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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