She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
