Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
