Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
