I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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