Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
