I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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