Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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