My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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