Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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