the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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