This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
