Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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