Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
