I haven't been this sober since birth.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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