based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
