Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
should my penis look like a turkey
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
