My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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