Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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