My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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