yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
