I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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