Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
