My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wear drunk well.
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