haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
