I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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