she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it's like iHOP with fire
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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