idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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