was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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