I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
