but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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