I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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