Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
