I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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