I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
