so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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