He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
