Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
