he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize