She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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