your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
