Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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