Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
