come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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