I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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