i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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