PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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