I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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