Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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