Slut skills are useful in every country.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
