the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Panties = found
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