I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
