"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
