I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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