First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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