I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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