it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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