for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
