I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
