I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
