So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
sex in a hospital.. check
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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