Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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