I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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