ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
